


Video Distraction

by scullyslash_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Crossover Pairings, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-05-31
Updated: 2002-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-20 03:36:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11327835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scullyslash_archivist/pseuds/scullyslash_archivist
Summary: Takes place after my story "Paths That Cross". Dana Scully and Lara Means set out to find the perfect video to rent.





	Video Distraction

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [ScullySlash](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Scully_Slash_Archive), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works.. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [ScullySlash's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/scullyslash/profile).

  
Video Distraction

### Video Distraction

#### by Hansome Alvin

Author: Hansome Alvin () Fandom: X-Files/Millennium crossover  
Genre: Slash/Romance/Comedy  
Rating: NC-17 for graphic, graphic sex  
Summary: Takes place after my story "Paths That Cross". Dana Scully and Lara Means set out to find the perfect video to rent. Spoilers: none (except for my story, "Paths That Cross") Distribution: I don't care where it shows up, so long as you keep my name on it and ask my permission first (). This story will be archived at my website (http://www.geocities.com/hansomealvin/ThinkMeWicked.html) Disclaimers: Characters from "The X-Files" and "Millennium" are property of Twentieth Century Fox/Ten Thirteen Productions. No ownership is implied, nor is any profit gained from the use of them in this context. This story is "slash", which means it depicts relationships between characters of the same sex (women, in this case). If this offends you, do not read it.   
  


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Video Distraction  
by Hansome Alvin () 

"What do you think of 'To Die For'?" Dana Scully asked her lover, holding up the video for her to see. 

Lara Means shook her head. 

"Not the world's biggest Nicole Kidman fan," she said. 

They were wandering around Power Video, the closest video shop that wasn't a Blockbuster or Hollywood Video. Dana was in the Drama section, while Lara was on the other side of the shelf, in the Thriller section. Dana put "To Die For" back in it's place. 

"Something sexier," Lara said, scanning her side of the shelf. "Something more dangerous. Ooh." She picked up a video and showed Dana. "'Bound.' Gina Gershon..." She gave Dana a wicked smile. 

"Seen it," Dana said. 

"Well," Lara said, putting the video back. 

Dana moved out of her section, searching the other aisles, scanning them. She was wearing her leather jacket, no doubt trying to drive Lara insane with lust. Lara had gone casual, wearing only a pair of dark blue jeans and a heavy, dark green sweater. Although she would never admit this, Lara was actively distancing her image from her "other" self, the self who shot and killed Darla Daley only a week earlier. 

"We need to turn up the temperature on the water heater," Lara said. "When I took my shower this morning, I couldn't get any heat." 

"I've been meaning to do that," Dana said. 

"When you do, we should take one together," Lara whispered in Dana's ear as she passed her, heading into the Drama section. 

"What about 'Personal Best'?" Lara asked, holding up the video. 

"Sports movies," Dana said. "Ugh." 

"Why not move in with me?" Dana asked a moment later. "You're practically living with me now." 

Lara didn't respond for a few seconds. 

"I don't think I'm ready," she finally said. 

"All right," Dana said. "But I'm going to be persistant." 

"I understand. It's just...I need to establish a life here in D.C. I am going to live here, that's for sure. I'll never be far, but...I'm just not ready yet." 

Dana nodded. 

"'Bullets Over Broadway'?" she offered. 

"Woody Allen," Lara said, shaking her head, as if this explained everything. 

Lara wandered into Horror as Dana crossed back over to Drama. 

"Dana, I got it," Lara said, excited. 

Dana turned to her. 

"'The Vampire Lovers'!" Lara bubbled. 

Dana smirked. 

"Hey," Lara defended, "it's a good movie." 

"'House of Games'," Dana said. "I love David Mamet." 

"Little heavy-handed for tonight, don't you think?" 

"No. Why?" 

Lara shrugged and headed for Comedy. 

"'Better Than Chocolate'," Lara said. 

"I'm starting to see a pattern in your choices," Dana said. 

"Hey, why _not_ rent a lesbian movie? What's wrong with that? We are lesbians." 

Dana glanced around. 

"Just because we're lesbians," she said, almost whispering, "doesn't mean we have to rent a lesbian movie. It's not a rule, is it?" 

"Well," Lara began, "I thought, since we didn't have much time on Valentine's Day last week, well, maybe we could rent a movie that was a little...exciting. Create our own Valentine's Day." 

Dana didn't say anything for a moment. 

"All right then," she said, "let's look in there." And she pointed to a back room of the store. A little sign over the entrance to this room read, 

"Adult." 

"Thought you'd never ask," Lara said. 

Lara unlocked Dana's apartment and they entered, Lara putting the keys on the little table next to the door, Dana eyeing the video they had decided on. 

"I can't believe we rented this," Dana said. 

"It's gonna be great," Lara said, nearly running into the living room to get to the couch. 

"I don't know if a video with the title, 'Attack of the Amazing Cunt-Worshipping Lesbians from Beyond the Grave' can even be mistaken for great." 

"Where's your sense of adventure?" 

"Well, I did rent it, didn't I?" Dana said, putting the tape into the VCR, turning on the TV and joining Lara on the couch. 

Fragments of conversation overheard while watching the video: 

"I hate when they have all these phone sex adds before the movie. What happened to previews for other porns?" 

"Notice, it was directed by a _man_." 

"What, that's it? Two lines? That's build-up to a sex scene? We don't even know the characters yet." 

"Dana, do you think they'd call in the FBI to investigate a series of lesbian molestations being perpetrated by a supposedly dead group of women?" 

"If they did, Mulder would be leading the pack." 

"So, it's a--what'ya call it--X-File?" 

"I don't know about that one." 

"Right, the leader of an alien race come to earth to resurrect the dead would be wearing _that_." 

"I don't know if it's just us, but we don't use that many toys, do we?" 

"Oh, yeah, she's a lesbian because she rides a Harley and wears one of _those_ jackets. Sure." 

The two lovers had gotten to the point in the movie where the lead female detective was having sex with the alien mistress who was controlling the invasion when Lara started to unbutton Dana's pants. 

"Naughty girl," Dana said. Lara kneeled in front of Dana and pulled down the FBI agent's zipper with her teeth. 

"Very naughty," Lara said when she had finished. Dana lifted her butt, allowing Lara to pull down her pants. Her underwear was next. They bundled up at Dana's feet. 

Lara pushed her lover's legs apart, stroking and admiring the tuft of red hair between them. She started to push her fingers inside, slowly, sensuously. Dana gritted her teeth, watching her lover work. 

Lara lowered her head and began to lapp at Dana's clitoris as her fingers moved faster inside her. Dana was nearly screaming when the phone rang. She sighed, angry, and grabbed the receiver, which sat next to the couch. Lara paused in her administrations. 

"Scully," she said. "Hi, Mulder." 

Lara smiled and continued on her quest to bring Dana to an orgasm. 

"No," Dana mouthed. "Stop." 

Lara shook her head, starting to lick Dana's clitoris again. 

"Yeah," Dana said out loud. "No, not you, Mulder." 

Lara lifted up her head and a wicked grin came over her face. She stopped pumping Dana and her fingers wandered down farther to her lover's lower hole. She rubbed and circled the orifice. 

"Not there!" Dana said. "No, Mulder, you shouldn't take his advice. He doesn't know what he's talking about." 

Lara began to insert a finger. Dana's face grimaced for a moment then her mouth dropped open, the pleasure overcoming her. 

"Ohhh," she moaned. "What? Lara?" 

Dana looked down at her lover and smirked. 

"She's fine," she said. "How are--ohhh--you, Mulder?" 

Dana began to stroke her attention-deprived orifice as Lara worked on her other, less-traveled one. 

"That's good," Dana said, closing her eyes and throwing her head back. 

"Good to hear that you're all right, Mulder. Faster." She whispered this last word to her lover. 

Lara complied, pushing another finger inside at the same instant. 

Dana began to moan louder now. 

"Yeah," she said. "Yeah, I gotta go, Mulder. Call me tomorrow." 

She slammed the phone into it's cradle and leaned forward, crying out, orgasming. She collapsed onto Lara's shoulder, breathing heavy and kissing, sucking on her lover's neck. She regained her composure a few moments later. 

"You bitch," she said to Lara, laughing. 

"You," Lara said, hardly getting the words out, she was laughing so hard, 

"you should have seen your face." 

The two lovers laughed long and hard, falling to the floor, embracing and kissing once their laughter had subsided. 

"I'm gonna get you," Dana said, pointing at her lover. "You won't know when." She lightly gnawed on Lara's lower lip. "You won't know how." She licked her cheek. "But I'll get you." She smiled. 

"Promise?" Lara asked. 

Dana just kissed her long and passionately. A second later they were laughing again. 

The End   
  


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Please send feedback. Look for more tales concerning Dana Scully and Lara Means. My website: http://www.geocities.com/hansomealvin/ThinkMeWicked.html 

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If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Hansome Alvin


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